bittybat | (no subject)

[Really, he tries to keep it together. Boy, does he try. He's been keeping it together extremely well, especially in public when it's easier to be distracted by other things, by people being idiots.

But here, alone with Dextera saying such kind words, the ones he's received from some others, the ones that still confuse the shit out of him; here, seeing sweet and silly Leliel... it busts out of him in one big, sudden swoop.

He exhales loud and raggedly, arm coming up so he can push half of his face into the crook of his elbow. He squeezes his eyes closed as the tears come as if that will get rid of them, shove them back in, or get them all out more quickly.]

Ah…

[ the polite smile he’d worn in greeting fades, but doesn’t disappear entirely—it takes on a sympathetic edge instead, because really, he gets it. damian loves his father, and his father was busy. dextera realizes the pain of that all the more since damian came clean about his homeworld hobbies, and so this world here, this town…

it gave damian a chance to just be with his father, in the same way that dextera gets to just be with his brother. ]

…

[ dextera crouches, settling down onto his knees, and he touches damian’s arm to try to get him to look. he can’t say anything if damian’s face is hidden, after all—but also, there’s no need to hide the tears. ]

[It takes a moment or two, but his face finally emerges when he lowers most of his arm away. The back of his hand brushes his eyes and his nose, all gently red, and he sniffs once, swallows against the tight burn in his throat.

He won't meet Dextera's face at first, instead looking off to the side like he's shamed. Finally, he glances over, still not at Dextera's face, but down at Dextera's chest where the hands will mostly hover to sign.

Thankfully for him, the heaviest part of the tears doesn't really last all that long. He just needed to get that out.]

[ in that moment it takes, dextera considers what he wants to say. he’s not sure that any of it is right, really, but all he can do is be himself and be honest—he’s sure damian would rather have sincerity than platitudes, especially when dextera’s heartfelt words aren’t going to be anywhere close to cruel. ]

No one else is home.

[ that’s the careful thing he offers, probably obvious in its own way, but he adds something on just in case damian needs the invitation. ]

It’s… OK to hurt.

[Slowly, Damian's eyes lift to Dextera's face. Of course, his brows knot gently; he looks decidedly sour, but the frustration seems to be at himself than anything else.]

I know... [He hates the hoarseness of his voice.] ...he went back home. [This is something he apparently firmly believes. There's no changing his mind.] But I don't understand... [What did he do wrong? What did he not do? It's all he can think about. His own failures because failures is why you would stay in a "prison," right?]

...what he did to be able to activate something like that.

[ dextera didn’t expect that train of thought—but isn’t it so like damian, really? as soon as he voices his burdens in that hoarse, heavy voice of his, all that he feels just makes more sense.

leliel clucks softly, settling on damian’s feet. ]

…

[ he shakes his head. ]

I don’t think it’s a choice.

[There's a lot more, but why not just dive straight into what's logical. That's exactly the thing to be tackling after bawling suddenly in front of Dextera.]

The town chooses, but why? [He drops his hand and looks down at the warm fluff on his feet. Dammit, Leliel. He squats a bit to scoop her up to his chest and bury his face lightly into the down of her back. Hello, sweet birb.

It almost makes him cry again, so he quickly places her back on his feet after a few strokes.] I thought... he was just invisible. Like last time.

But I found notes he left in case it happened, and... Kent and Kyle--they couldn't see him either.

[ leliel cranes her neck to try to get damian’s attention back, but then he’s talking too much and she decides to puff up into a warm little ball on his feet. this is fine.

dextera watches him with his demeanor walking the line between practicality and hysteria, and he tilts his head sympathetically. last time—when everyone was separated by their colors, or the aftermath. it wasn’t easy for anyone. ]

I don’t think there’s a reason.

[ saying that makes it click why damian is wondering. ]

Do you feel… left behind?

[The question gets a quiet, ragged, resigned sigh. At first, Damian doesn't answer, but the way he acts is answer enough. Glancing away with his eyes, the hard furrow of his brows, the twist of his lips. Like he's trying to rationalize how he feels.

On one hand, jealous; on the other, relieved. Hurt, but he understands that means he's being a toddler.]

Gotham needs him. I know that. If anyone should go back, it's him. [This is what Damian wanted from the start? Why is he so upset? He wanted Bruce to go back. And now he wants Selina, and Clark, and Jon to go back, too. To be home.] I...

[For a long time, he's quiet, trying to put together what he wants to admit.]

I didn't get to say goodbye.

[ that feeling of loss, a lack of closure—damian’s father isn’t dead, but he may as well be when there’s no way to contact people from home, and no timeframe for when they’ll all be able to return.

dextera’s heart aches for him. ]

I’m sorry.

[ that’s all he can think to say. he has no comforting words. ]

I know… it’s hard.

[Carefully, Damian rubs his eyes again with the back of his hand. His composure has mostly returned, thank God.]

It's fine. [This sounds more like he's trying to convince himself than Dextera.] Wallowing won't change anything. I'll see him again when... I get home. Maybe he'll return again like some of the others. [And he'd have cried for nothing.]

Perhaps... I should have spent more time with him before. But... I wanted him and Kyle...

[To have personal time.]

[ maybe he will come back. dextera doubts it. there’s a part of him that’s still longing for his first real friend in this place, ryoji, but he’s not sure he’s ever going to see him again. it doesn’t seem possible. ]

…

[ dextera nods. ]

When you go back… spend all the time you can, with him.

If we even go back. [How do they go back when it isn't even their choice? When the town doesn't let them decide?

Or does it really? Did some unearthly apparition appear to his father and ask about returning to Gotham? No. No way. Bruce wouldn't go back if it meant leaving Selina and him here, right? Right...?

Damian's jaw stiffens. He looks away--not completely, so he can see Dextera's hands moving, but away.] If we go back and time hasn't moved.

[ dextera doesn’t know what it’s like, when people leave. for those who have disappeared and returned, it’s been different. their names remained, the color stayed. those who have well and truly left… there’s no way of knowing what the trip home is like. how much they retain. ]

I don’t know… what will happen. But I know… what loss is like. So…

[ the transition trails off, dextera left even more wordless than usual. he hopes damian can understand. ]

[After a long moment or two, Damian's hand lifts, and he settles it over the top of one of Dextera's own. The squeeze has a lot of trained power beneath it, but it's surprisingly gentle and also reassuring.]

I will. When I go back... I'll spend more time with him. [He heard Dextera's advice, he's saying.] I'm fine.

Tell anyone you saw tears from me, and I'll eat Leliel for dinner.

[Even not knowing how Damian is, Dextera would know this threat was a such a bold lie solely because he's vegetarian... and he loves animals too much.]

[ that gets a smile out of dextera, and he does wonder how this turned from trying to cheer damian up to dextera himself getting a mood-lift. it’s always nice to see damian, anyway, even at a time like this. ]

I think she would object.

[ she would also object if damian moved right now, so… he’s stuck here forever, probably. ]

I think she would, too.

[Yeah, Damian would voluntarily turn into a skeleton standing here if the chicken didn't want him to move. What a way to go.

But instead of withering away at the whims of poultry, Damian bends again to gently gather her up in his arms.] Were you taking her outside? Let's go. [He hadn't meant to hold them up with his Episode.]

How are you doing?

[ dextera nods, watching with only mild jealousy as leliel clucks and burrows into damian’s arms. she’s really the perfect girl. everyone should want a chicken as fluffy and lovable as leliel. ]

Things are normal again. I’m… better.

[ “better” being relative to how he was when half the town saw his trauma. ]

[At this, Damian nods like it's an agreement. The last widespread happening was such a wild, sometimes devastating ride. He understands.

With Leliel in hand, Damian leads them out. She really is, like, the perfect chicken, and Damian is actually glad Dextera has her. But, sadly, Damian has to put her back on the ground so she can stretch her legs and not get too fat.

For a moment, it looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn't. Instead, he tips his head back and peers at the sky. Being outside feels less suffocating than being inside. It feels like he can make sure there's no stains left on his face.]

[ as soon as she’s down, leliel runs free… to start immediately pecking at the ground, because no matter how much she stretches her legs, she’s going to eat enough to balance it out. bless her. ]

…?

[ dextera watches damian rather than his pet, though, noting the way he looks up at the sky. ]

It looks like… rain is coming.

Yeah...

[He lowers his head, eyes flicking to Leliel who, as expected, simply starts pecking around them in the vicinity. What a good bean.]

Before long, it'll probably be snowing. [Which... Slowly, he glances up and over at Dextera.] Have you ever seen snow before?

[ dextera shakes his head. ]

I’ve seen ice. And I know… on snowy days… you curl up by the heater because it’s so cold. That’s… what people do.

[ he works through it like he’s remembering something someone told him, because he is. the mood of the population. windy days are bothersome, cloudy days are melancholic… sunny days, “you can, like, work all energetically and whatever.”

he remembers quotes about weather quite well, even if he’s never experienced some of it. ]

Boring people stay inside by the heater. [Damian half smirks. It sounds like Dextera is reciting something from a textbook.] Other people do things differently.

They go outside and throw snowballs or make snowmen. [Not that he... does these things... Shut up. All that matters is the topic is a good buffer for his earlier sad mood.] Sometimes, they go sledding if they're feeling particularly dangerous.

[ well, to be fair, dextera is reciting the combined sentiment of hundreds of corporate workers, so yeah. boring people… help him. ]

…?

[ snowballs! snowmen! what is all that! ]

Do you?

Feel like being dangerous? [He knows that's not exactly what Dextera meant, but--it's funny.] All the time.

I'm sure people here will drag you out into the snow when it comes. After you spend a day in it, you'll be ready for fire afterward. [When he looks away, it isn't anything in particular, and his gaze is thoughtful.] Kids usually throw snowballs and make snowmen.

But I've seen adults do it, too.