[ hearing damian say something like that—no, hearing him say this, specifically, in the words that he’s chosen to use, sends a little flutter of panic under dextera’s skin even if it’s a kind of relief to hear it, too. ]
…
[ dextera takes a breath, and touches his throat. although guren’s marks are the more visible between the two sets of bruises, his own thumbprint slots perfectly enough against one of the bruises that it calls attention to even a faded part of him.
What's done is done. [He reaches out to take Dextera by the wrist gently for a moment, squeezing it reassuringly.] He's here now, and that's what matters if it's important to you. You have to forgive yourself before you can appreciate and focus on the second chance you've been given.
No one said you can't atone for things you've done. It's what I did. [He frowns.] During the Year of Blood, my rite of passage, I did many horrible, bad things. I blinded someone who was very kind to me, I killed all of Goliath's family, I stole ancient artifacts and ruined cultures.
I don't think I'll ever be able to give back what I've taken, but after dying, I realized... I may squander any chance. So I tried what I could, to right my wrongs. Then I could stop worrying about what I had done and live.
[ atonement… he’s already atoning for so much, what’s one more addition to the pile? it’s just that he knows his brother would forgive him if dextera asked it, and that doesn’t feel right. he hasn’t earned it. just the same as his brother feels he hasn’t earned the right to dextera’s company, dextera hasn’t won his brother’s forgiveness just yet. ]
…
[ he nods, only momentarily covering damian’s hand with his own—an acknowledgement of the touch and reassurance. ]
Thank you. Again. I wish we didn’t understand each other like this… but I’m glad we do.
[He nods, both in agreement and acceptance. He trusts Dextera with this information, after all. Ad it's... kind of cathartic.] It took me a long time. I had a lot of things to fix.
Don't give up, or I'll kick your ass. [Or, at least, he'll scold Dextera a lot.
He knows Dextera will get there in time.] Alright, enough hen clucking. Our goat is escaping. [He points ahead of them. Capella is enjoying herself too much. She's just going right along. If they can't keep up, she doesn't care.]
[ damian’s indelicacy gets dextera to lighten up again, at least, and he lets out an amused breath before trailing after damian and the goat.
where is she going? who knows! but she needs to be headed to flavo, so that’s where dextera gently tries to guide her. luckily, she’s not that stubborn about having someone herd her in the right direction.
he catches damian’s attention when something occurs to him, a moment later. you know… ]
He doesn't talk to a lot of people. [But thinking about this as they go along after the goat, he feels it may not accurate describe Bruce as well as he'd like it to.] You should meet him when you can. His name is Bruce Wayne.
People think he looks mean or as if he doesn't want to talk to them, but they're wrong. [Time to tattle on his dad.] Father loves people, and he especially loves children. He wouldn't try so hard to make Gotham a better place to live if he didn't love people.
Someone told me once Father gives more than he asks. He's always giving. He would rather listen to others than talk about himself, and people find it hard to converse with him.
But don't let that stop you from trying.
[Dextera already has experience! If anyone is like Bruce at all, it's Guren.]
[ damian’s father, like damian himself, sounds like a kind person with a difficult-to-breach shell. dextera doesn’t think with any confidence at all that he could manages to slip between the cracks of someone so carefully guarded, but if he’s learned anything in his time in chroma, it’s that people don’t work the way he expects. ]
You make him sound—wonderful.
[ someone who’s truly altruistic… surely there are a lot of them here in town, but it’s different to hear someone directly described that way. ]
[ dextera doesn’t know what damian thinks of selina, but it doesn’t seem bitter—based on everything he knows about damian’s birth mother, just about anyone else would be preferable. ]
I talked to him some. Your brother. [He's just gonna ignore the "family" bit because... it makes him incredibly embarrassed to think about! He's still getting to know Selina. As long as his dad is happy that's all that matters.] He's very...
[ dextera nods at that, going quiet for a few moments. fatalist does seem like the word for him, doesn’t it? his brother, whose prospects are accept that his death was a necessity of the universe, or struggle against a future that’s already been decided. ]
He can. [Of all the people, Damian is one of the few who knows this best of all.] With help. He doesn't have to think he shouldn't exist here. It was different in your world, but we're not in your world anymore.
He's going to have to learn... how to be a new person. Just like I did when I went to live with my father.
[ …it doesn’t sound pleasant for anyone involved, least of all for XIII himself, but dextera understands what damian is saying. the problem is that dextera doesn’t want his brother to be a “new person.” he wants his brother to be the same as he once was, unchanged and timeless from when they were happy.
Only if he wants to be helped. He has to meet me halfway.
[Bruce's cottage bursts out of the edge of the woods on the Flavo side. It's surprisingly modest, not that many people here would understand exactly how modest in comparison to the Manor. Gently renovated, it's still being remodeled and worked on pieces at a time. A quick fence has been built near the back--four fire-breathing geese are there.
Ace greets them from the front, standing abruptly and cautious. He barks uncertainly until Damian whistles, then his tail goes up to wag, his ears lift. He hurries over to see the--oh. A GOAT.
Ace is more interested in getting to know the goat, and the goat, while unbothered, doesn't seem to care to have dog breath in her face, thanks. She screams lightly in Ace's face, and the dog's ears fold down.]
[ for better or worse, the cottage’s appearance does distract dextera from worried thoughts about his brother—it’s true, in any case. if his brother doesn’t reach out, nothing will change. it’s just difficult to imagine that he will. ]
…
[ poor ace. poor capella? but more importantly, dextera notices the fence at the back, and he hesitates. ]
I caught them with Midoriya's help. In case they come in handy.
[In fact, they seem to know Damian's voice sort of like any other animal. They have Gathered at the edge of the fence, peering through it at him and Dextera and Ace and the goat with eldritch, all-knowing eyes. Watching. Waiting.
Damian loves them.]
Don't worry. I'm not planning to put any other animals inside with them. They're too feisty.
[ dextera likes animals just fine, but these remind him just a little too much of the grotesqueries at home to feel comfortable with them being… around. domesticated. ]
I'm working on them. [While the two of them, the goat, and Ace aren't exactly close to the fence, right now the geese aren't kicking up a fuss or throwing huge puffs of fire in every direction. Simply watching and waiting. Maybe Damian actually has been working on them by the looks of it.] I wouldn't get in the fence with them by any means.
Now that Superboy is here, he can assist me in their training. [He peers at Dextera's face, searching.] I'll keep Capella away. They haven't tried to escape. I keep them here with father because he lives far enough away from the town.
[ dextera got burned by the geese when he tried to gather them with noctis and izuku, and he’s not eager to repeat that mistake, for a quest or ever, really. ]
…
[ he makes eye contact with one of the geese, and it stares back, too knowing for his tastes. ]
[Not getting near the fire-breathing geese is absolutely valid; however, Damian is the epitome of Living On the Edge, and he has a fondness for monstrous pets. Titus is a Great Dane, Goliath is an almost 8-foot tall, five hundred plus pound... bat... dragon.]
He's decent. More importantly, he's fire-proof. [He watches Dextera watch the geese.] Their names are Grayson, Todd, Drake, and Brown. [He thinks he's fucking hilarious.]
[ dextera doesn’t recognize the other names, but grayson he catches, and he wonders if it’s habit for damian to name his animals after people he knows. the cat, and now one of these fussy geese. maybe one day, there will be a lamb named dextera wandering around. or a rat, or something. ]
[He hurries off to disappear into the cottage for a few moments, and when he returns, he has a thin rope and a folded cloth bag. This he ties to the base of Capella's neck, and the other end he ties to a tree a few feet away from the front of the house. It's long enough she can wander a bit, but short enough to keep her from wandering too far.] Ace, stay.
Watch her for me. [He offers the dog some head rubs.] I'll be back. Stay. [Returning to Dextera, he hands over the bag.] Here. I'll walk you to the edge of Bluo. I need to come back to watch Capella and start on a fence. [The next time Dextera comes, Batcow will be there keeping her company...] Kent made them. We have plenty. They aren't the greatest because we lack the ingredients, but they're good.
[COOKIES!]
Thanks... [It's a quiet thanks.] For trying with the animals.
[ dextera takes the bag, quietly awed—it’s more kindness than he expected from damian, even if he doesn’t think that damian is especially unkind. they’re friends. damian trusts him, and dextera trusts him in kind. friends, apparently, give each other cookies.
he’ll treasure them by eating them. he nods his gratitude. ]
[Damian nods.] Me, too. We'll try again some other time. [He won't ask Dextera to do it again unless Dextera offers. He's a tiny scientist, but he's got empathy.] Maybe we'll find something to help lift the limitations of the forest.
Don't blame yourself for what happened to the bird. I think it would have been glad not to be joined so grotesquely together, even if it didn't survive. They're both free... in their own way.
Do you understand? That it isn't your fault.
The bird and your brother... Your mind is attempting to bridge a coincidental connection between two unrelated things simply because they have similar circumstances. Your hands didn't kill the bird. The bird died because the splicing was already shoddy, and it had nothing to fall back on when they were split.
[ dextera doesn’t know how to do better unless he practices, but it’s not the kind of thing he’s willing to practice. if he could at least learn a way to simply disappear the parts of the other animal, even that would be preferable to what feels like sacrificing one half to save the other. ]
…
[ damian’s words are a comfort, even if he’s straightforward about it. ]
I’ll try… to understand. [ he can’t promise anything, when the timing is too close to the return of his brother, and all he can think about is how much they didn’t want to be split apart, and how much it hurt to lose his other half. it’s not the same and he intellectually knows that, but getting himself to believe it is another thing when he’s so quick to punish himself.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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…
[ dextera takes a breath, and touches his throat. although guren’s marks are the more visible between the two sets of bruises, his own thumbprint slots perfectly enough against one of the bruises that it calls attention to even a faded part of him.
he nods, and lowers his hand to speak. ]
I just wish my brother hadn’t been the bird.
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No one said you can't atone for things you've done. It's what I did. [He frowns.] During the Year of Blood, my rite of passage, I did many horrible, bad things. I blinded someone who was very kind to me, I killed all of Goliath's family, I stole ancient artifacts and ruined cultures.
I don't think I'll ever be able to give back what I've taken, but after dying, I realized... I may squander any chance. So I tried what I could, to right my wrongs. Then I could stop worrying about what I had done and live.
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…
[ he nods, only momentarily covering damian’s hand with his own—an acknowledgement of the touch and reassurance. ]
Thank you. Again. I wish we didn’t understand each other like this… but I’m glad we do.
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Don't give up, or I'll kick your ass. [Or, at least, he'll scold Dextera a lot.
He knows Dextera will get there in time.] Alright, enough hen clucking. Our goat is escaping. [He points ahead of them. Capella is enjoying herself too much. She's just going right along. If they can't keep up, she doesn't care.]
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where is she going? who knows! but she needs to be headed to flavo, so that’s where dextera gently tries to guide her. luckily, she’s not that stubborn about having someone herd her in the right direction.
he catches damian’s attention when something occurs to him, a moment later. you know… ]
I haven’t met your father.
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People think he looks mean or as if he doesn't want to talk to them, but they're wrong. [Time to tattle on his dad.] Father loves people, and he especially loves children. He wouldn't try so hard to make Gotham a better place to live if he didn't love people.
Someone told me once Father gives more than he asks. He's always giving. He would rather listen to others than talk about himself, and people find it hard to converse with him.
But don't let that stop you from trying.
[Dextera already has experience! If anyone is like Bruce at all, it's Guren.]
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You make him sound—wonderful.
[ someone who’s truly altruistic… surely there are a lot of them here in town, but it’s different to hear someone directly described that way. ]
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He may be with a woman. Her name is Selina Kyle. She’s his fiancee. You can meet her too.
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A family.
[ dextera doesn’t know what damian thinks of selina, but it doesn’t seem bitter—based on everything he knows about damian’s birth mother, just about anyone else would be preferable. ]
I hope… you can get along… with my family, too.
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I talked to him some. Your brother. [He's just gonna ignore the "family" bit because... it makes him incredibly embarrassed to think about! He's still getting to know Selina. As long as his dad is happy that's all that matters.] He's very...
...fatalist.
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[ dextera nods at that, going quiet for a few moments. fatalist does seem like the word for him, doesn’t it? his brother, whose prospects are accept that his death was a necessity of the universe, or struggle against a future that’s already been decided. ]
He can’t be anything else.
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He's going to have to learn... how to be a new person. Just like I did when I went to live with my father.
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it’s not fair, he knows, but… ]
I hope… you’ll help him. Like you’ve helped me.
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[Bruce's cottage bursts out of the edge of the woods on the Flavo side. It's surprisingly modest, not that many people here would understand exactly how modest in comparison to the Manor. Gently renovated, it's still being remodeled and worked on pieces at a time. A quick fence has been built near the back--four fire-breathing geese are there.
Ace greets them from the front, standing abruptly and cautious. He barks uncertainly until Damian whistles, then his tail goes up to wag, his ears lift. He hurries over to see the--oh. A GOAT.
Ace is more interested in getting to know the goat, and the goat, while unbothered, doesn't seem to care to have dog breath in her face, thanks. She screams lightly in Ace's face, and the dog's ears fold down.]
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…
[ poor ace. poor capella? but more importantly, dextera notices the fence at the back, and he hesitates. ]
The geese?
[ why ]
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[In fact, they seem to know Damian's voice sort of like any other animal. They have Gathered at the edge of the fence, peering through it at him and Dextera and Ace and the goat with eldritch, all-knowing eyes. Watching. Waiting.
Damian loves them.]
Don't worry. I'm not planning to put any other animals inside with them. They're too feisty.
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Are they… “tame?”
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Now that Superboy is here, he can assist me in their training. [He peers at Dextera's face, searching.] I'll keep Capella away. They haven't tried to escape. I keep them here with father because he lives far enough away from the town.
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…
[ he makes eye contact with one of the geese, and it stares back, too knowing for his tastes. ]
Is he good with animals? Superboy?
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He's decent. More importantly, he's fire-proof. [He watches Dextera watch the geese.] Their names are Grayson, Todd, Drake, and Brown. [He thinks he's fucking hilarious.]
Do you want to go inside, or are you going home?
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…
[ dextera doesn’t recognize the other names, but grayson he catches, and he wonders if it’s habit for damian to name his animals after people he knows. the cat, and now one of these fussy geese. maybe one day, there will be a lamb named dextera wandering around. or a rat, or something. ]
I should go.
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[He hurries off to disappear into the cottage for a few moments, and when he returns, he has a thin rope and a folded cloth bag. This he ties to the base of Capella's neck, and the other end he ties to a tree a few feet away from the front of the house. It's long enough she can wander a bit, but short enough to keep her from wandering too far.] Ace, stay.
Watch her for me. [He offers the dog some head rubs.] I'll be back. Stay. [Returning to Dextera, he hands over the bag.] Here. I'll walk you to the edge of Bluo. I need to come back to watch Capella and start on a fence. [The next time Dextera comes, Batcow will be there keeping her company...] Kent made them. We have plenty. They aren't the greatest because we lack the ingredients, but they're good.
[COOKIES!]
Thanks... [It's a quiet thanks.] For trying with the animals.
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[ dextera takes the bag, quietly awed—it’s more kindness than he expected from damian, even if he doesn’t think that damian is especially unkind. they’re friends. damian trusts him, and dextera trusts him in kind. friends, apparently, give each other cookies.
he’ll treasure them by eating them. he nods his gratitude. ]
I want… to save them both. One day.
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Don't blame yourself for what happened to the bird. I think it would have been glad not to be joined so grotesquely together, even if it didn't survive. They're both free... in their own way.
Do you understand? That it isn't your fault.
The bird and your brother... Your mind is attempting to bridge a coincidental connection between two unrelated things simply because they have similar circumstances. Your hands didn't kill the bird. The bird died because the splicing was already shoddy, and it had nothing to fall back on when they were split.
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…
[ damian’s words are a comfort, even if he’s straightforward about it. ]
I’ll try… to understand. [ he can’t promise anything, when the timing is too close to the return of his brother, and all he can think about is how much they didn’t want to be split apart, and how much it hurt to lose his other half. it’s not the same and he intellectually knows that, but getting himself to believe it is another thing when he’s so quick to punish himself.
he exhales. ] Thank you.
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