We were all scared and stupid. None of us knew what was happening, the old man barely explained anything. He left us to figure out our magic on our own. I think that's why he didn't get interested in me until later, when he started to figure out what I could do.

[It's still so surreal, to tell this to people and see them get angry, genuinely angry, about it. Part of it is the isolation talking, probably. Part of it is the resignation to the fact that none of the boys ever really wanted to believe her suspicions about Maerlyn, not until it was long past too late.]

But lately? He knows I'm not strong enough to kill him. And even if I ever get close enough to try...I'm only going to get one shot, you know? Plus I don't know if I'd really trust him to send me home, anyway. He knows I want it too much. He'd find a way to fuck it over for me somehow.